i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
