I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
