also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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