He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
