she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
