i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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