There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
