Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
