i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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