need another drink. this is the easiest way
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
