is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
