Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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