Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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