He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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