a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize