you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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