Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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