i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
