Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
