I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
