At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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