I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
