I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize