hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
