I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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