he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
