i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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