is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
