Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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