Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
