Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
