I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
