he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize