There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
