I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
