see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
