The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
