Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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