my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
