Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
