My liver just broke up with me...
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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