i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
