wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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