this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
