i already hear my dad disowning me
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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