you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
