Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
