On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
