Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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