My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
