Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
