Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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