I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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