She said her name was "party"
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
