Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm too high and old for this...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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