I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
