I just pynch a tree in the face
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
