After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
