We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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