This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize