I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
