I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
