i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
