I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
