At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He better not be in your backpack
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just high enough for therapy.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
