it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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