I am puke
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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