I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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