sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
