i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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